Love.

She stepped out into the brisk cold evening air and started to walk.  She walked hard and fast, trying to leave the heaviness she felt behind her somehow.  The air was heavy with fog and the streetlights struggled to burn brightly.

The wind bit at her cheeks and as she reached the edge of the neighborhood homes the tears started to fall.  She pleaded with God to show Himself…somehow in this heavy, ever hazy darkness…she needed Him to tell her the answer to it all, and to tell her why she has to hurt.

“Show me that you love me!”  She yelled into the night.  Nothing.  Again she repeats this prayer and the plea is quieter each time.  She knows who she is.  She knows that there is good happening here and everywhere….but sometimes it doesn’t feel like enough.  

Then, the very next day while sitting in church she is reminded so vividly.  “I DO love you, and I’ve shown you…at the cross, I gave up my own life, I suffered  to show you just how much I love you.”  A simple moment, belief…and faith in what really matters, once again.  She is the child of the KING, and she will be in that palace in Heaven in the end…and there will be no tears.

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Fall.

It’s foggy, misty, wet, and cold.

Fall is really here…only not the nice weather type of fall.  REAL Minnesota-type fall.

I have so much on my mind and heart as I sit here.  Good friends of mine are out there and they are really suffering these days.  It’s hard enough to go through periods of pain and hurt myself, but when I see my friends endure hardship it feels even worse.

No one asks for pain or trial, but the truth is that God does mean it for our good, we have to cling to that truth and although it seems like forever, our suffering will one day be over.  If we are a child of the King of Kings we will one day be with Him in Heaven and there will be no more suffering.

I know I personally cannot wait.  We don’t know how many days we will have, life is so very brief and sometimes over in what seems like the blink of an eye.  Miscarriage has robbed many mother’s or moms-to-be of their hope, there are parents mourning the loss of a child that was still growing, learning, and playing just a moment ago.

Let us encourage one-another to keep going on.  When the cold sets in, and the wind feels cruel…get that extra blanket out, give a pair of mittens to cold fingers and tell those who hurt that spring will come again and God IS using your pain to draw you to Himself and to show His almighty glory to the world.

I Peter 1:6-9

The quest for better sleep

So I finally “bit the bullet” and decided it was time to get a sleep study done.  Now, this isn’t something you just go and do…clearly you have to have a consult first to even see if it’s going to be worth doing.  Ever since my mom had been diagnosed with sleep apnea several years ago or so I wondered if perhaps I too had the disorder.

It was refreshing to have the doctor really listen to my history and symptoms and then send me to have the study done.  I was super nervous, but really excited to get answers.

Here are the pics from the night of the study…I look pretty ucky but oh well!

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So as you can see they put TONS of wires and junk all over you.  This was not fun, but obviously quite necessary.  After getting all plugged in you basically try to sleep and are being observed all night long via the computer and camera.  In the morning you can shower ( I did!) and even have coffee and breakfast there if you want.

I had my follow-up a few weeks later and was given the diagnosis of a mild form of sleep apnea.  This is the form showing all the “stuff” that was happening while I was sleeping.  It was really interesting!

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Soon after this appt I was set up with my new best friend…the cpap machine and mask.

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I have this equipment, but using it properly is another story.  It’s been very difficult to adjust to and will take some time for me to really be committed to keeping the mask on all night long.  At this point I’m only averaging 2-3 hours.  Hopefully I can update later with the news that I am finally feeling RESTED!

Lunchtime favorites: ham or turkey sandwiches + fajita rice tacos

On these terribly hot, sticky, and heat-advisory type of days we love quick and refreshing lunches that don’t require the oven.  Sandwiches are so great for this, we like pbj of course, but I like the ham or turkey sandwich since it has the extra protein already added into it.  In the summer we also take advantage of the surplus of fresh veggies and fruits!

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Another favorite meal we have been enjoying this summer is fajita style rice {Knorr brand sides} with ground beef added and topped with shredded cheese then added to a tortilla.  Super quick and easy to make, provided the beef is all cooked up and ready to go!  My kiddos here LOVE mexican-style food.

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Thirty-one

This year’s birthday felt very different from last year.  I was really annoyed with turning 30 but of course there is nothing that can be done about that!  I actually had a great time with family and friends anyway last year and it was nice.  {Here is my post at the former blog about all that}.

This year despite the many ups and downs {more down than up really} I feel more peace about the calender changing.  I am taking a break from treatments for now and just focusing on the stuff that really matters to me….my faith, my job, and family.

I was spoiled rotten by R as he took me to visit good friends in a beautiful part of MN and he gifted me with a new camera {squeal!}.  I was also spoiled rotten by my sweet daycare kiddos with all the wishes, singing, and homemade cards.

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