Category Archives: Faith

Childhood.

What does a good childhood represent to you?

To me it’s what I experienced.  I had parents that cared about me enough to invest time, teaching, and giving of wisdom.  It wasn’t about perfection, fancy gifts or a huge house.  Life doesn’t always work out that way.  A good childhood to me is one where you are loved-and love can be shown in so many ways.

My mom and dad have never had enough money.  Wealth was not in the plans that God had for them and they knew that and did their best to be wise with what they were given.  I knew that the lack of money could cause a great deal of stress but rarely did my parents complain about it to us kids.  My mom was resourceful and my dad learned that it was okay to receive help {most of the time!}.

Despite times of stress and craziness there were also moments of pure joy.  We didn’t have huge birthday “bashes” full of perfectly matched napkins and party favors {not that there is anything wrong with those} but we did get to decorate our own cakes, and have neighborhood besties over.  We threw water balloons and splashed in kiddie pools.  We laughed and we LIVED.

At Christmas we didn’t get very many gifts, but we looked forward every year to the simple yet meaningful ornaments my mom would make for each one of us.  Decorating a small tree and staring at the fragile nativity scene on the mantle always made for special memories.

My dad used to read to us, and sing to us when I was very young.  When I was older he would let us watch favorite TV shows with him and have all our friends from school hang out nearly every weekend.  He was funny, humble, and caring.  My mom was patient, kind, and always thinking about others.

A good childhood is one where you are loved and respected as a person. It’s where you are given freedom to be yourself within the boundaries that are set there for your own good and safety.

I’m so thankful for the childhood that God gave me, although it wasn’t perfect-it was perfectly in HIS plan for my life and my journey.

Thanks Mom and Dad, for always being there and loving ALL of us kids with your whole heart.  Thanks for knowing what it means to show love even though it isn’t always easy.  Enjoy your “empty-nester” years to the fullest and let God continue to show you His love and blessing!

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Love.

She stepped out into the brisk cold evening air and started to walk.  She walked hard and fast, trying to leave the heaviness she felt behind her somehow.  The air was heavy with fog and the streetlights struggled to burn brightly.

The wind bit at her cheeks and as she reached the edge of the neighborhood homes the tears started to fall.  She pleaded with God to show Himself…somehow in this heavy, ever hazy darkness…she needed Him to tell her the answer to it all, and to tell her why she has to hurt.

“Show me that you love me!”  She yelled into the night.  Nothing.  Again she repeats this prayer and the plea is quieter each time.  She knows who she is.  She knows that there is good happening here and everywhere….but sometimes it doesn’t feel like enough.  

Then, the very next day while sitting in church she is reminded so vividly.  “I DO love you, and I’ve shown you…at the cross, I gave up my own life, I suffered  to show you just how much I love you.”  A simple moment, belief…and faith in what really matters, once again.  She is the child of the KING, and she will be in that palace in Heaven in the end…and there will be no tears.

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Fall.

It’s foggy, misty, wet, and cold.

Fall is really here…only not the nice weather type of fall.  REAL Minnesota-type fall.

I have so much on my mind and heart as I sit here.  Good friends of mine are out there and they are really suffering these days.  It’s hard enough to go through periods of pain and hurt myself, but when I see my friends endure hardship it feels even worse.

No one asks for pain or trial, but the truth is that God does mean it for our good, we have to cling to that truth and although it seems like forever, our suffering will one day be over.  If we are a child of the King of Kings we will one day be with Him in Heaven and there will be no more suffering.

I know I personally cannot wait.  We don’t know how many days we will have, life is so very brief and sometimes over in what seems like the blink of an eye.  Miscarriage has robbed many mother’s or moms-to-be of their hope, there are parents mourning the loss of a child that was still growing, learning, and playing just a moment ago.

Let us encourage one-another to keep going on.  When the cold sets in, and the wind feels cruel…get that extra blanket out, give a pair of mittens to cold fingers and tell those who hurt that spring will come again and God IS using your pain to draw you to Himself and to show His almighty glory to the world.

I Peter 1:6-9

Thirty-one

This year’s birthday felt very different from last year.  I was really annoyed with turning 30 but of course there is nothing that can be done about that!  I actually had a great time with family and friends anyway last year and it was nice.  {Here is my post at the former blog about all that}.

This year despite the many ups and downs {more down than up really} I feel more peace about the calender changing.  I am taking a break from treatments for now and just focusing on the stuff that really matters to me….my faith, my job, and family.

I was spoiled rotten by R as he took me to visit good friends in a beautiful part of MN and he gifted me with a new camera {squeal!}.  I was also spoiled rotten by my sweet daycare kiddos with all the wishes, singing, and homemade cards.

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With hope.

This summer has been tough.  Treatment just hasn’t been working and I’ve been so tired.  I hit a really low point in July and really almost couldn’t fully “function.”  After one particular stressful week I found myself at one of my routine appointments and the nurse noticed that I seemed off and allowed me some time to talk.  I realized in those moments that I was actually really grieving again the loss of my miraculous pregnancy last year about this same time.

I thought I had “moved on” somewhat and that maybe it had been some sort of dream.  I’ve grown a lot in the past year, however I am learning; It doesn’t get easier.  It’s hard not to feel angry.  I want to blame someone, something in those raw moments where you wrestle with your emotions and imbalances.  Once I let the tears just come, and took some time to work through those tough days I gradually felt more whole again.  God put me on dear friend’s hearts and I have been prayed for, and loved on.  I’m grateful.

There is often no detailed or specific way to pray when you go through these kinds of trials.  I find myself many times with a simple but strong,”God help me!”  And I KNOW He hears it all.  Nothing is hidden from His sight, He clothes every flower in the field, and His eyes see even the tiniest sparrow fall.  I’m grateful.

I heard this song recently on the radio by Steven Curtis Chapman and it really touched me.  I hope this can encourage many of you out there who are grieving the loss of a child, even the one’s they have yet to meet.