The elevator ride and a very long walk down a hallway to the very back end of the building take me to my RE doctor’s office.

I’ve come to know that elevator and hallway very well over the last year.  It’s where I try to breathe, pray, and collect my thoughts while clutching my folder full of papers to sign and information.

I have spent a lot of time waiting in doctor’s offices over my 30 years and it’s never been fun.  Waiting in a cold clinical room while trying to find a window to stare out of or page through a magazine just doesn’t cut it for me.

I’m not as nervous anymore (well not always) because I know what to expect and I’ve gotten to know the staff who are more than kind and knowledgeable.  I realize how fortunate I am to even be here and be able to afford medical help.

I’ts hard for me to keep a positive outlook however, when disappointment hits again and again.  I’ve had to make a lot of sacrifices already in this journey and I’m learning that my path to parenthood is already about true love.  Love IS giving up what you think you deserve and want.  It’s about being selfless and even going through discomfort to achieve something worth it all.

We are in a world of silence about this issue..so many are scared to talk about it and sometimes for good reason.  They don’t want to be judged or given “advice” that doesn’t help at all.  It’s a lonely place to be for us, and has uprooted our “old” life quite a bit…I sometimes look back at pictures and try hard to remember the younger me and what our life was like even 5 years ago.

It’s good to look back however and remember all that God has already accomplished in our short lives over the years.  He has been faithful and never left us alone.  When we felt alone it was because we were blinded by our temporary circumstances.  He was and IS still working on changing our hearts, thoughts and desires.  I know I need to simply let Him continue to do His good and perfect will.

Don’t be afraid to reach out and find others to strengthen and encourage you in this journey.  God uses people to do His will and you will find so much comfort and joy when you connect with kindred hearts.

I want to have a spirit of worship in me going forward into each unknown!   I love these lyrics to Matt Redman’s song “10,000 reasons”

The sun comes up, it’s a new day dawning
It’s time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes

Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I’ll worship Your holy name


3 thoughts on “Waiting.

  1. Em

    I love what you said about looking back and remembering how God has been faithful in your life time and time again. This is such an important thing to do – cementing those memories in your heart to get you through times when he feels distant. Saying a prayer for you today as you faithfully wait.


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