Change is.

It’s hard not to feel like you may lose something when you find out a friend is expecting.  It’s a loss of what was.  A loss of what you had known in that friendship before and what you had become accustomed to.  In my world this has happened many times.  I imagine it’s similar to how a person might feel if they were very single, and are watching and hearing about their friends in various places get engaged.

A friendship isn’t really “lost” but what I mean is that it will never be exactly the same…it can’t.  When a major life change occurs in anyone’s life it can change things.  This friend is now answering to or for someone else.  This is not bad, and I am not angry at anyone for having a child or anything like that.  I just have a bittersweet feeling every time I hear news of change because it just means something different for that friendship.

Anyone out there who is dealing with the journey of infertility in their life I know can relate to my thoughts (or at least I hope so!).  Sometimes you just feel sad, while others are feeling great joy.  There is no other way to describe it and it in no way means I am not grateful for the life I am living currently.

I have a feeling many new friendships will come my way in the future.  The old ones will remain with wonderful memories and new ones will be made with them and their little additions.


6 thoughts on “Change is.

  1. Justine

    Your feelings are totally normal and I too felt that way for many many years. I think that I have gotten over the pain and loss and heartbreak I feel whenever anyone would tell me their expecting. Hang in there, I think the pain is always there, but it lessens. Someone one explained to me that it is grief and grief is a true emotional that takes along time to heal, please know you are not alone. I will be thinking and praying for you.

  2. Lea heinrichs

    I totally agree with you. I can relate as I have dealt with this as well. Making it worse is dreaming about having a child every night, not knowing if it will ever happen. Many prayers as we are trying something this next week. Big step, very nervous, praying for my prayers to be answered, as also with you. When I come to the cities and see you I see myself in you, the longing in your eyes, the love I your heart. I am truly blessed to see how strong you are in this as I feel I am not. Thank you for sharing your heart. Lea

  3. Lynn Devine

    I also can say I know exactly what you are going through. Bill and I had tried for years as well. I remember still, how hard it was to feel happy for your friends when deep inside all you could feel was pain and sadness. So many tears, so many emotions. In the end, we got to be one of the lucky ones who were blessed, and I mean blessed when it did happen to us. The one thing that it taught us, is to never take our children for grafted and to appreciate and cherish every moment we have with them.
    I will pray for you and Ryan. I know what a hard road this is. I just want to tell you that your daycare families are truly blessed to be able to have a daycare provider as wonderful and loving as you are. You are truly a gem Jessica, and your “kids” are the luckiest for that.
    I’m just a few steps away if you ever need to talk 🙂


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